Author: Cryptic Anomaly
I am currently making several changes to my life, however, I am not approaching them as an attempt to become a completely different person. I am aiming to create a life that gives me greater physical comfort, independence and freedom to participate in the world beyond my home. Two of the most important changes involve losing weight and developing my Orientation and Mobility skills. On the surface, these may appear to be separate goals, yet both are connected to movement, confidence and the desire to feel less restricted by my circumstances. Neither process can be completed through motivation alone since they also require structure, patience and an honest understanding of the barriers I am working with. I am learning that improving my life does not mean ignoring those barriers or pretending they are insignificant. It means finding practical ways to move through them without allowing them to determine the entirety of my life.
Part of my reason for wanting to lose weight is connected to the Luxturna treatment and vitrectomy I had on my right eye in December. During the recovery period, I was prescribed Prednisone and I gained weight while taking it. The medication affected my appetite, energy and body in ways that made weight management more difficult, while the recovery itself also reduced how active I could be for a period of time. I am not blaming myself for gaining weight under those circumstances since my body was recovering from surgery and responding to a powerful medication. Nevertheless, I do not feel entirely comfortable at my current weight, and I would like to improve my stamina, mobility and general physical wellbeing before my next treatment.
Furthermore, I plan to have Luxturna treatment on my other eye next year, which may involve another period of surgery, recovery and prednisone use. There is a possibility that I could gain more weight during that process, especially if the medication affects me in a similar way and my activity becomes limited again. Therefore, it makes sense to lose some of the weight now while I have the time and capacity to establish healthier routines. I am not trying to reach an extreme or unrealistic target before surgery. My initial goal is simply to lose at least twenty pounds, then reassess what feels sustainable for my body. Even if I gain some weight again during the next recovery, beginning from a healthier and more comfortable place would still be worthwhile.
My weight-loss plan is intentionally straightforward. I am following a moderate calorie deficit, prioritising protein and choosing meals that are filling, familiar and manageable. I am also becoming more conscious of drinks, portions and eating habits that can increase my calorie intake without contributing much to my satisfaction or nutrition. Exercise includes walking, low-impact dance and simple resistance training, along with scheduled rest days. This structure allows me to work on strength and stamina while accounting for pain, fatigue, PMDD and fluctuations in my energy. I do not expect every week to look identical, and I am trying to avoid the pattern of treating one difficult day as a reason to abandon the entire plan.
On the other hand, my Orientation and Mobility goals involve a different kind of challenge because the main obstacle is not simply learning a route or using a white cane correctly. Much of the difficulty comes from the anxiety attached to travelling alone. Even when I know a familiar area, leaving without another person can create a sense of vulnerability that is difficult to explain to someone who can rely fully on their vision. My mind can begin anticipating everything that could go wrong before I have even left the building. I may worry about missing an obstacle, becoming disoriented, misunderstanding the direction of traffic or being unable to solve a problem quickly if something unexpected happens. These fears are not entirely irrational since visual impairment does create genuine risks and complications. However, anxiety can enlarge those risks until every possible difficulty begins to feel inevitable.
There is also a difference between being physically capable of completing a route and feeling emotionally safe enough to attempt it. I may understand the instructions, recognise landmarks and know how to use my cane, yet still experience fear when I think about being outside alone. Part of that fear comes from not being able to visually confirm what is happening around me in the same way that a sighted person can. Unexpected sounds, unfamiliar movement or a moment of uncertainty can quickly make me feel exposed. Additionally, there can be anxiety about other people watching, interfering, misunderstanding what I need or assuming that I am incapable. Independence as a blind person often takes place in public which means hesitation, mistakes and learning cannot always happen privately.
For this reason, my O&M plan needs to address confidence and anxiety alongside practical navigation skills. I am beginning with familiar routes close to home, including areas that I already know but have not always travelled independently. Repetition matters because I need more than intellectual knowledge of a route; I need enough experience to trust myself while moving through it. Each successful outing can provide evidence that fear does not automatically predict the outcome. I do not expect the anxiety to disappear before I begin, since waiting until I feel completely fearless would probably mean waiting indefinitely. Ultimately, both weight loss and O&M training are part of my effort to build a better life. One may help me feel stronger and more physically prepared for the future, while the other may allow me to move through the world with greater confidence. Neither process will be immediate, but each step gives me more ownership over the life I am creating.
The Anomalous Press 